Mama said earth was born to house souls, like mamas housed babies and mittens housed hands. She said the moon held all earth’s memories, like she held me and daddy held her. After she died, I prayed that the moon would send me her voice, her face, her scent.
I bake you into every dream, every written word, every lost and last second. I tell you you’re my everything, extraordinary and radiant, like bees and skies and seas. You say the world is a fantasy, not many people see it, and crown me its queen.
I try to write you, Childhood, in beautiful prose, scrawl you in silken ink. I try to teleport there, to donuts for dinner, to Chickenpox and calamine lotion, sticking to Princess Ariel pajamas, to bunkbed slides. But you sit on the paper, bathetic, worthless…
Smell of used books, my fingers surf aging, wrinkled spines, 1899, 1985, such peaceful reveries, take nothing to remind, of half-priced royalty, other places, other times, constantly transported to futures and to pasts, the only type of freedom that lasts.
I had a dream inside a dream that you were me & I was me & hatred screamed for us to flee, to get the hell off his property. Cause we were vermin, spat deathly tongue, with tarnished spirits & broken skin. We had nowhere left to run, dreams were our final destination.
Remember that time I tried to purge you from my tired mind before a Russian exam & professor said, “Is everything fine?” “Да.” I smiled, suppressing the tears, that choked & seared my throat. Could only hope, you hadn’t lived in vain, finally free of the pain.
She didn’t deserve you. Didn’t know the sleepless nights endless cries, homemade, garbage lullabies, sung to get a half-assed smile, ease you for a little while, bridge that gap between pain & rage, like twisting smoke of burning sage. No, the world didn’t deserve you.
You remember our first kisswhen I almost bit your lip? We were standing in the snow.I’ll never forget. You were never judgmental,never heartless, never icy. Didn’t think the day would comewhen you weren’t still beside me. Sleep well, My Love.I’ll be there soon.
Back then, we lost ourselves, faith, minds, in the thick smoke of infidelity, drama, lies exchanged to save face, pride, when in actuality we could’ve been better, had we simply tried.
I write, “A cardinal stopped outside my window and the nurses let me eat pizza.” You write, “Happy Birthday,” and for me to keep my wishes. I write, “I’ll save them for you so one day you can visit.” You write how that would be cool, whenever you feel sick less. I write, “Someday, like […]